ARE YOU FEELING TRAPPED IN MARRIAGE?

Do you feel like you have married the wrong person, or trapped in a marriage? If yes, who forced you to marry your spouse? Unfortunately, many people are married, but they are not in love. They have discovered hate after love. How can something so sweet later become bitter?

You need to honestly assess your marital union. Are you having the meaningful marriage or feeling trapped in a marital cage and wish that someday freedom will come? I was told of a lady who lost her husband and gladly informed her friends about it. One of the friends in response wished that she was the one who had lost her husband.

I mentioned in the chapter on love and reward that if your marriage is based on eros, you may feel trapped after getting sufficient romance. You may want to have another taste of romance with another woman or man. If your spouse is short, you may desire a tall one. If black, you may desire a fair one. If slim, you may desire a fat one. Consider a case of a woman who married a man and later discovered that he is impotent. This can make her feel trapped.

The same trapped moments can be experienced if marriage is founded on phileo and storge love. They are conditional, which means the beauty of such marriage will be seasonal. A bad moment can make a person feel trapped.

A marriage founded on agape survives all conditions. There is renewal even in moments of caged experiences. You will find a reason to recover and live meaningfully.

Let me highlight some areas that can make a person feel trapped. I expect you to identify your area if you feel trapped:

 Beauty or handsomeness: Physical attraction is not permanent. If your spouse starts showing an attitude that is strange and offensive, no matter the beauty or handsomeness of the person, it may begin to disappear from your mind.

The second is an accident. A beautiful woman or handsome man can be involved in an accident and lose her beauty or his handsomeness. If you don’t see it again, it can frustrate you and make you feel trapped.

The third is old age. The young lady or man you see today will not remain so for a long time. Age is a process and someday both of you will become older if God gives you the opportunity. Such can take away physical beauty or handsomeness and begin to make you desire younger men or women.

A well-paid job: If you marry someone because he or she has a well-paid job, you may feel trapped if he or she loses the job. You may not have the stamina to survive or adopt another lifestyle that is lower than the one you started with.

Wealth: This includes different things. If a person is used to driving expensive cars and living in an expensive house, the marriage may have trapped moments when these things are no longer there.

Rushing into marriage: Many women suffer most from this. They desire marriage because the pressure is too much from various people. Questions about the time of marriage are often asked. As a result, a single lady may say ‘yes’ to anybody who comes her way even if she is not really in love with the person. She may feel trapped when the realities of marriage begin to dawn on her.

Comparison: If you have friends who have flashy marriages better than yours, the temptation is to downgrade your own. Or maybe you were married before and lost your spouse to death. If the second spouse in the second marriage is not treating you like the previous one, you may compare and contrast and feel trapped. Such comparison can lead you to frustration.

Wrongdoing: If you are offended by your partner and you are not willing to forgive, you will certainly have trapped moments. Learn to forgive and you will be free from the burden.

Force: Some people got married because they were either forced by parents or other people. They feel trapped and wish they can get out now that the realities of marriage are confronting them.

 Responsibilities: The trapped moments can begin to show when school fees of children and other responsibilities hit hard.

I don’t know your situation. However, no matter the painful experience, I encourage you to find a way of enjoying your marriage. That is why having the meaningful marriage makes better sense than looking only for a happy one. If you depend on God, He will give you a reason to enjoy and learn from marriage. Happiness is a product. You get it as a result of doing something meaningful.

Sometimes the problem may be you. Don’t only focus on asking God to change your spouse, but to change you too.

Don’t see your marriage as a disease. There are even some diseases that can be properly managed. You will never have this moment on earth again when you eventually leave this world. You have a responsibility to live meaningfully. You should not bring down all the electrical cables because the power authority has taken off the power. Leave them and wait for the restoration of light. Keep trusting God to lead you. One day you will never see your spouse again on earth or vice versa. Before then, start sound memories of meaningful living in your marriage.

(Chapter Twelve in the book THE MEANINGFUL MARRIAGE, by Pusonnam Yiri).

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